No, You Cannot Choose ‘Wrong’

As humans, we are obsessed with trying to choose the ‘right’ thing. Whether it’s the right college, the right job, the right house, or the right partner, we fixate on the options, terrified that we are going to choose wrong. We belabor the decision by asking everyone around us for their opinions, often confusing ourselves even further.

Of course, one could believe that we are 100% controlled by fate, that our fate is sealed when we’re born, that the choices we make aren’t choices at all. Rather, they are events chosen for us and we have no say.

Or, if we believe we are anything less then 100% controlled by fate, we are just choosing whatever feels best. As we keep choosing, new effects keep causing new choices to open up.

And so, it’s not possible to choose wrong.

With every choice we make, we end up learning some sort of lesson. Some lessons are preferred and more easily learned. Some are painful, ones that we wouldn’t wish on our greatest enemy. But every choice we make brings us to the next one, and the next one, and the next one.

Our lives are one long path of choices. When we hit a fork in the road, we choose a direction and go. Sometimes, it’s a bit foolish. Other times it’s the natural step forward. And every now and again, it feels as if we have no other choice available.

Regardless, we cannot choose wrong.

If we end up choosing something we don’t like, we course correct. We move toward something that we prefer, that we enjoy. Sometimes we appear to move backwards. We may go back to an old job or an old flame, make a choice that we know will result in some sort of poor ending. Those are often the ones we identify as ‘wrong’ or ‘leading us astray’. Yet, they can only be identified as such since we have the comparison of choices that make us feel good and aligned.

The choices we make never really matter anyway.

Whether I am moving around completely aimless, jumping off of cliffs, or stuck in one loop, everything I’m choosing is correct. It is bringing me to the next choice.

My choosing one option over another will not make much difference in the end. I’ll learn different lessons in each scenario. One set of choices may be harder than others, but none of them are wrong. They all lead me to precisely the moment I am in. And if I do not like the effects of my choices, I get to choose differently.

So what does matter?

What you learn. How you feel.

I believe the best two choices of my life have been the college I chose to attend and moving to my current home. Both options had (and continue to have) their challenges. But when I take the time to reflect on all I’ve learned as a result of making these choices, I’m at peace.

Some of the worst choices I’ve made revolve around devaluing myself, not believing in my skillset or my worth, and taking years worth of time to do what I know I should have done many moons ago. Though these choices have caused me heartache, I have learned from them, and I continue to reconcile by course correcting.

Had I chose differently for any of my choices, I would simply be learning different lessons. Neither path is right or wrong. I am fortunate to continue to love some of my choices, and I am working through the challenges of choices that resulted in harder lessons.

Either way, my choices were never wrong.

You get to choose.

If you continue to make choices that don’t result in some sort of positive outcome for yourself, pay attention to that. Recognize the unhappiness you feel and then deal with it. Choose differently.

Could you play the victim and blame Fate? Sure. Could you blame all the others around you? Sure. Could you blame the circumstances you are in? Sure.*

Could you choose what you don’t want but know you need? Sure. Could you choose the scary one over the easy one? Sure. Could you circle back to a choice and choose the other path? Sure.

You get to choose. Always. And no, you cannot choose ‘wrong’.

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.”

-Deepak Chopra

(*Within our world, there are most certainly circumstances that stop us from having choice and forcefully hold us back. These are not the choices I am referring to. I am referring to only that which is in your control.)