The Plateau

I’m feeling restless.

Nothing is wrong. Work has its daily challenges, but it’s relatively calm. Relationships are doing well. Blessed be, I can even say my finances are in a good spot. I have my health.

Everything is steady.

And, somehow, I am feeling restless.

What do we do when we get to a plateau?

I can remember five or six years ago, my word for the New Year was ‘steady’. I just wanted everything to level out, not be quite so hard, so stressful. It took awhile, but I’d say I finally got my wish. Now, it feels strange, wrong, like I’m missing something, forgetting something. The other shoe is about to drop. It has to. Right?

I should be jumping for joy. I should be relaxed and rested, reveling in the peace that is currently surrounding me. But somehow, the plateau feels endless. I’m looking out across the way, finding my next path, and instead of any clear direction, I see flat land stretching into nothingness. There aren’t any mountains to climb. Nothing but a bright sun. The strangest thing though, is I’m not worried. Restless, but not worried.

I know I have enough to carry me through. Intuitively, I know that if this is all I do for the rest of my life, I’ll be fine. Taken care of. I could be here forever and not have to worry.

Yet I know this plateau isn’t enough.

First, I ask myself: Why am I questioning this? If things are good, I need to simply be enjoying it, not trying to figure out what is going to come next, whether that be something easy or something hard. Live in the present. I know this is where my mind should be.

Instead, I’m asking if this isn’t peace but rather complacency. Have I fallen into a simplicity where I stop challenging myself? Where I stop pushing myself? Is this really all I want my life to amount to? Have I stopped dreaming?

I’m doing all the things I’ve set out to do. Working out, reading, and writing nearly daily. Spending time with friends and family. Working hard at work and leaving it there. Coming home and truly enjoying my time, fulfilling my soul. Each day, I’m prioritizing resting, reflecting, and reinvigorating myself for the next day.

But this cycle is beginning to feel repetitive. Is it time to ask for more? Search for more? I’m not quite sure what ‘more’ could even be. In the words of Kathleen Kelly from You’ve Got Mail:

“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”
- You've Got Mail, Nora Ephron