Ambiance, Audiobooks, & Anxiety

“There feels a bit of a lifting, a light at the end of the tunnel, an ebb instead of a flow. Knocking on wood, of course.”

I don’t know why, but it continue to surprises me when events align in my life. Just a few days ago, I was journaling, writing the above. Somehow, everything feels manageable right now. There hasn’t been any recent depression low or SAD stint to deal with, and my anxiety has, mostly, been kept at bay. Thankfully.

Then, the next day, I was talking with a friend about their own anxiety: how it’s new for them and they’re struggling to deal with it, understand it; how last week was a good week for them, and this week it’s down again.

And that got me wondering why exactly things have felt a little lighter recently for myself.

Ambiance is Magic

I am firmly against using the ‘big lights.’ As I’m writing this, I have the fireplace light on, a strand of white Christmas lights strung across my bar, and a table lamp to my right. That’s it. If it’s not daylight, I don’t want anything more. (Which is a huge struggle when it comes to reading, but that’s another matter.) This is a tenet I’ve lived by for awhile now and the soft lighting continues to help keep calm. I wouldn’t be surprised to find science behind it, but all I have is my experience.

Not only do I hate the big lights, but loud sounds and I are not friends. Any sort of cacophony throws me into a tailspin where my skin crawls and my words snap. But for Christmas, I was gifted an electric fireplace tv-stand. The soft light has been mesmerizing, but what I like even more is the sound machine that I was gifted with it. I use this tiny speaker so much that I expect to burn through it faster than I can order a second one. The soft crackling of wood is all you’ll hear as you enter my home. Soothing doesn’t begin to define it.

This soft ambiance has continued to make me feel settled. Whether it’s before sunrise or after sunset, the lighting and sounds in my home are the same. Just enough to see by with a crackling fire in the background. Soft ambiance is magical, keeping my anxiety manageable.

I love music, but I have a new love for audiobooks.

I’ve begun earnestly listening to audiobooks on my long commutes, instead of blasting music.

Now, before I shout the benefits of audiobooks, understand that music is my heart and soul. The first poetry I ever heard continues to speak the truths I am unable to utter. I adore music. Just as often as you’ll hear the faux-fireplace crackling in my home, you’ll hear silence for I am blasting some sort of of music through my headphones.

Books themselves are a helpful tool in managing my anxiety. The more consistently I read, the calmer I feel. But I always argued that I couldn’t use audiobooks because I am not an auditory processor. Which is true. Until I tried listening to books for which I already know the story. I can follow the general plot that I remember while hearing the smaller details that I missed the first time around. This is my favorite anxiety-tool yet.

Just yesterday, I got in my car after a frustrating incident at work. I wanted to vent to myself, as we all do, so I turned on the music. For only a few seconds, though. Something told me not to lean into the frustration, not to worsen it through thoughts that would linger and tailspin. So instead, I opened up my audiobook and hit play.

The concentration on the story, as it requires so much concentration for me, took the edge off. By the time I finished my commute, and satisfyingly the chapter at the same time, I felt better. I went about my night doing exactly as I had planned: hitting 10k steps and redoing my gel mani. No tailspin to be found.

Managing anxiety takes trial and error.

I plan to make this a series, describing the various ways I’ve tried to manage my anxiety. Like laundry and dishes, anxiety is never ending. Sometimes, one tool will work for awhile and then suddenly, it’ll miss the mark. Hopefully something I share will spark an idea for you and maybe be another tool for your own toolbox.